expect some wear and tear

Two things to post about today, both dimly related in a weird sort of a way.

Bags (my car) went in for his 60,000 mile service today. He's only been on the road a little over three years so it doesn't take a maths whizz to realise that's pretty high mileage for a little car. Most of it's done slogging back and forth between the city my life happens in and the house I live in - that's about a 60 mile round trip each time and the road between the two is one of the most staggeringly poorly maintained you're likely to encounter in the so-called "developed" world... Inevitably this daily slog was going to take a toll on Bags' suspension, and for the last few times he's been in for a service I've been braced for the news I got today - namely that half the components in his suspension system are now shot and need replacing. Ouch.

So part of my day has been about that while the other part has been about my renewed efforts to find somewhere else to work. After almost two years of applying for (and not getting) jobs that might move me smoothly away from the school I've stepped up the pace somewhat and am determined to be somewhere (anywhere!) else by this summer (more on that in detail another time.)

Lots of applications mean lots of rejections (direct or indirect) and much like potholes the cumulative effect of all these adds up to quite a battering for the psyche. This morning as I read yet another rejection letter (which had arrived within an hour of my application!) I became aware that my emotional suspension could use a few new parts, or perhaps even a complete overhaul considering the ride ahead.

Later in the day while I was engaged once again in that sisyphean task of redrafting of my CV, I delved into my files looking for a way to make the personal statement part sound more like it's actually about me and not some worker drone. I pulled up a file from about 18 months ago. It was the results from a mailshot I'd made asking people who knew me well for their observations on what I do well, and what they rely on me for (it was part of that hookey-pookey self development work I do with Hamish.) Anyway as well as condensing that for the particular 'process' I was involved in at the time, I'd salted the comments away for future reference in this file.

Reading that file this afternoon was like having every bearing, strut and suspension arm in my emotional undercarriage replaced free of charge - right now I'm riding on air and just wanted to say thank you (again) to everyone who contributed to that, and whose stored up observations cumulatively reminded me something important. Namely that no matter how many rejection letters I get, I have a hell of a lot more to give than this job allows me scope for.

Bumps in the road be damned. I'll get there.